


Numbing Desires

by wintersorchid



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Asexual, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 16:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2236053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersorchid/pseuds/wintersorchid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Germany and FemReussia try to work around certain issues regarding their relationship, namely their differing sexualities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Of course Ludwig thought of sex when they first started dating. He was a man and a young man at that, who had a very pretty, sexually appealing girlfriend. Granted he wasn't dating Anya for her looks, but he was lying if he said they didn't grab his attention when they first met all those decades ago. She had been the Russian Empire then, a tall and fearsome country who was well-respected. He entertained notions of nobly sweeping her off her feet and her swooning over how great his own budding empire was, then they'd combine forces and be unstoppable. Now when he looks back he is ashamed at the blatant chauvinist daydreams.

He's still working on not treating his much older and far more capable girlfriend like she's made of glass, but old habits and learned ways die hard. She does appreciate the opened doors and pulled-out chairs, but not the constant demeanour of superiority simply because he's male, she told him when they first started seeing each other. He got one warning: straighten up or be cut out, so he straightened and she stayed. About a decade in, he started timorously asking for more than just holding hands for cuddling on the couch.

With the new wave of words for all sorts of sexualities starting to make their way into vocabularies, he was politely informed that Anya wasn't interested. She had never been interested and unless struck by lightning and suffered a complete personality change, she never would be. Back in her youth when she thought something was wrong, she wedded and bedded a man, then his sister, but neither of them sparked any sort of interest, so the divorce went through and she heard his new wife loved him so much she gave him seven healthy children. Ludwig was upset but nodded his understanding. She couldn't help it

 

He tried not to let it get to him, he really did. She was that way before he was born and she would be that way if they parted. It wasn't his fault. Still, he felt bad when he would offer to get her off only to be refused, but to not offer seemed very rude, like he was just using her. Which in a way he was, since he was really the only one getting any pleasure from sex and thinking about what a shitty boyfriend he was made him feel horrible, but he really, really liked sex and he was really, really sexually attracted to Anya. So it made sense for him to jerk off to thoughts of her sexual situations even if he rationally knew he'd never see her in them. She wore sexy lingerie because she liked it and because he liked it, not to seduce him. She liked sleeping naked when it was too hot and in unflattering pyjamas when it was cold to stay warm.

And that was fine, save for the nagging itch in the back of Ludwig's mind that craved sex. If only he could get rid of it! Then she wouldn't have to listen to him practically beg for sex or wonder if he was getting his rocks off with someone else. The idea was tempting but he was a gentleman, so a loyal man he was. It was just who she was. They did have sex a few times though he felt it was more to placate his hormones than actual interest. She seemed more interested in his arm muscles than what he was doing down there. His magazines were tolerated as long as she didn’t see them. Their relationship seemed to be stalling, even as they both tried to find better ways for the both of them to have a healthy, physically satisfying relationship without being too physical. 

It started as an off-hand comment by Netherlands which became a leg option the more he dug in and did research. Netherlands had made a crack about Switzerland’s large medical empire and how many pills he must pop. He had laughed at that until he started coughing, hacking up a wad of phlegm and spitting it to the side into the bushes before lighting up a cigarette. It wasn't like it would do him any lasting harm, save the occasional hacking cough. Germany rolled his eyes and took a drag from his own cigarette, the comment lingering in his mind for the rest of the day.

Pills, pills, pills… it echoed in his skull, the word bouncing back and forth in a teasing way. What couldn’t pills fix nowadays? Sites and companies were looked at, compared, studied. He couldn’t rush into this, couldn’t wind up with cancer or other issues because he was trying to help. What if the lasting effects continued even if they broke up? Finally, after a year of research, he felt comfortable enough getting a prescription and taking medication, an anti-depressant that all but killed his sex drive. His doctor found it odd that he was asking for it, but wrote the prescription anyway, knowing the country would more or less be alright, and would take all the necessary precautions even the increased doctor’s appointments he insisted on. Germany would be safe under his watchful eye.

It took a few weeks for the pills to really start working, but when Anya walked into his bedroom from the bathroom wearing nothing but her wet hair, he was pleasantly surprised to find that even though his mind started to drift, it didn’t go very far and his body didn’t respond, not even when she curled up next to him and kissed his neck. They slept in peace that night without bothering the other.

 

The pills did their job, but not perfectly. Some days it was hard to get up, others he felt cranky and irritable, nervous. Anya found the pills eventually while looking for toothpaste and questioned him about them, leading to a fight about what he was hiding, what they were for. She backed off when he told her he wasn’t depressed, he was taking them to help her by limiting his libido so as not to bother her with sex and so he could focus on their relationship without pressing her for sex or be distracted by her body.

“That’s it. That’s all they’re for and why I’m taking them. They were a better choice than anything else,” he told her, reaching for her hand. They had relocated from his study to the kitchen where they had made coffee to talk over.

Anya let him hold her hand as she thought it over. “So you…. Did this for me? You’ve been acting odd because of the pills?”

He nodded.

“I…. Can you stop? So you don’t act so strange?”

“If that’s what you want.”

She folded her hands together to think about it, leaving his hand on the table like a piece of washed-up flotsam.

“I suppose…. It has been nice. Without the sex. You weren’t bad before, but it was there.” Her hands flutter in the air like a bird. “Waiting.”

He nodded, understanding what she meant.

“It was nice,” she repeated, hands settling on the wood. “We did a lot together without sex and I could tell you like it too.”

He nodded.

“Nice.” It was a good word, she thought. “I like them.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagine person B falling asleep with their head on person A’s lap, while person A sings a lullaby to them, caressing their head.

Ludwig’s short hair was wet from the shower and as Anya ran her fingers through the strands, water pooled on her lap, soaking her skirts down to the skin.

"Ah, it is not yet evening, but I have taken an tiny little nap, and a dream came to me," she sang quietly, her fingers stroking his scalp. He shifted, half asleep and eyelids fluttering with every caress. He was clearly succumbing to her song and the long week.

Easing up on her pressure in an attempt to convince him that he was falling asleep, she continued on to the second verse.

"In the dream that came to me, it was as if my raven-black horse was playing about, dancing about, beneath the bold, brave youth."

"What is this song?" Ludwig murmured, words slurring slightly in his barely awake state.

"The Cossack’s Parable. It’s about a man named Stepan Razin who dreams of his defeat on the battlefield."

"Who is Razin?"

"A Cossack who captured ships and forced ships to pay tribute to him. From there, he went into the Caspian and caused more trouble… He rebelled against God and the tzar, and eventually, he was captured and brutally executed."

"I imagine," Ludwig sighed. "For the time…"

"The Time of Troubles was a poor time to be a prisoner, yes." She smoothed his hair from the back of his head to the front, continuing down over his eyes until she reached his chin. "But it is behind us, so sleep, Ludwig. The clouds of yesteryear are gone."


End file.
